So this weekend my parents gave me a box of my stuff that they found in their storage shed. As I went through the box I found an AP scholar award- I jokingly held it up to Cam and said "Look your wife used to be smart." (to be honest I forgot I ever was an AP scholar) Of course he just laughs at me but the truth is, when I look at my life now and my life as a student I sometimes wonder what happened. I do not feel smart like I used to. I told my sister what I had said to Cam and she said "you're still smart you just use it in a different way. " I agree that I am not some dummy on the street but I think it is hard to feel smart as a mom and pre-school teacher. Sure I know more than the 4 year olds but, they are constantly challenging what I thought I was good at. This last year of teaching has been a total overhaul of every technique I ever used. But that is another subject all together. Have you ever read one of your old High School or College essays and thought man that person sounds like they know their stuff. Now I am lucky if I can get out a coherent sentance once or twice a week. So what happened. Why can I not punctate a sentence correctly or spell with out spell check. Where along the line did I loose that knowledge?
I always joke that my kids were made from my brain cells- anyone who has become a mom might agree with that. But really I used to use big words!! Now it is all about dolls and dinos, bugs and babies. I just hope that one day I will be able to reconnect with the scholar in me. Until then though I will say I used to be smart.
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Know what? It doesn't matter what you do, whether you teach preschool or intubate people in the operating room, I don't think we will ever be as smart as we once were. I know that I've forgotten at least half of what I once knew. And I always feel that I don't know enough. I used to be sure that I would be smarter than my kids, but I'm not. I'm not sure if honeybees understand what bumblebees say, why the squirrels in our yard are different colors, or why grape candy doesn't taste like grapes.
ReplyDeleteI hope you didn't feel invalidated when I said you just use your smartness in a different way than you used to. I honestly feel you are one of the smartest women I have ever known. I can understand the feeling that you have lost half of what you have ever learned like kat said and I'm in grad school and feel like I have no clue half the time. I think that the brain can only focus on so much stuff at a time and it has to prioritise and as you are a good mother and don't lock your kids in the trunk of your car for 6 hours a day (even if it may be tempting at times) you try and focus on waht is important to your kids and that is a bonus for your kids. So any way just wanted to check in on your blog I hope you had a great day on your birthday yesterday! Love you!
ReplyDeleteHi Trina! It's Edith from your old ward... Amber's sister? I found your blog through facebook. I love reading blogs. You had mentioned you did some scrapbooking and I wanted to take a look at it (very cute by the way), and I have a comment about this post.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, motherhood is the reason you can't complete a sentence. Lack of sleep has a huge impact on how your brain works. Some days I forego conjunctions altogether! "I go over there" "You me go here?" - I feel like a cavewoman.
Second, it doesn't matter where you are in life. Every day is a new day and as long as you are alive you have the opportunity to learn something new. Never stop learning!
And third, a piece of paper that says you are smart is nice... but it doesn't mean you are. Besides... if you really need a piece of paper hanging on your wall to tell you how smart you are, you can make one for yourself in photoshop!